I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.

Like many elderly people, I own a cat. When people see the cat’s litter box they always say, “Oh, have you got a cat?” Just once I want to say, “No, it’s for company!”

The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

An older woman was in a store that sells sunglasses, and only sunglasses. A young lady walked over to her and asked, “What brings you in today?” She looked at her and said, “I’m interested in buying a refrigerator.” The young woman didn’t quite know how to respond.

Like many elderly people, I own a cat. When people see the cat’s litter box they always say, “Oh, have you got a cat?” Just once I want to say, “No, it’s for company!”

When you’re older the easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

I think the sole purpose of my grandson’s middle name is so his mother can tell when he’s really in trouble.

At doctors’ offices I am always being asked who should be called in case of an emergency. I’d like to answer, “An ambulance.”

Ah! Being young is beautiful but being old is comfortable.

Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.

May you always have:
Love to share,
Cash to spare,
Tires with air,
And friends who care.