Remember the 1979 movie Going in Style with George Burns, Art Carney, and Lee Strasberg? Basically, the plot revolved around three geezers deciding to organize a bank robbery.
Times have caught up with the movie â€“ at least in Japan. See this article in the Japan Times. There, people over 65 are now committing more crimes. They tend to be petty crimes, but crimes nevertheless.
In case you’re planning on becoming an elderly criminal keep these key points in mind:
1. People expect their criminals to be young. So consider wearing a wig. Brown or brunette will do. Men, shave your white beards.
2. Avoid crimes that require weapons. The idea is to add excitement to your life â€“ not get killed.
3. People will expect you to steal food so you can eat â€“ so don’t. Steal the unusual â€“ things like placemats, oil filters, or scented candles. Of course, you can’t eat these items, but maybe you can trade them for food on Craigslist.
4. Do not plan on using your electric scooter as the getaway vehicle. Even elderly bank guards will be able to catch you.
5. Plan to commit your crime early in the day. Crime is hard work and you want to be sure you can get to your early bird dinner on time.
6. Committing a crime will probably cause heart palpitations. Make sure your artificial heart battery is fully charged before carrying out the felony. While you’re at it, also use fresh batteries in your hearing aid. You want to be able to hear the cops when they read you your Miranda rights.
These are just a few ideas for beginning your new life of elderly crime. But as a disclaimer I must warn you that crime does not pay. So if you get caught, don’t blame me.
For a Bizarro Comic take on senior crime, click here.