These 10 ideas for joining the geezer club come from an article by Mary Stobie written back in 2018. It still made me laugh.

Mary Stobie, writer

She begins her article in the Arvada Press (Colorado) by defining “geezer.”

“Geezers are an older person with an attitude. A geezer can be a man or a woman if he or she is older than dirt, playful, outspoken and ornery.”

But if you want to be a geezer, she says, you have to join the geezer club. And here are her ten ideas for joining that club.

1. Don’t try to make everyone think you have a decent memory. Pretend like you don’t remember anything. Call your grandkids by each other’s names. They’ll laugh and scream.
   To your adult kids ask if cauliflower is broccoli.
2. To get hired at a fast food restaurant to run the cash register, lie about your age. If you’re eighty-years-old say you’re sixty-years-old.
   If the employer calls you on your fib, say, “I forgot when I was born.”
3. Your favorite newspaper comic is Brian Crane’s Pickles. The main characters in Pickles are the geezers Earl and Opal, a retired couple. You know for sure, and tell your friends “The cartoonist for Pickles has hidden a video camera in our house. He draws cartoons about the silly things we do and say.”
4. Instead of hiring a tree trimmer, you rent a giraffe.
5. To get into mischief, tap someone with your cane. If they complain say, “I have a visual disorder.”
6. At the Cowboy Diner, have fun with the waitress. You say, “I’d like a rattlesnake sandwich with gopher yogurt.”
7. As you are leaving the restaurant, say to the people waiting in line, “Sorry folks, we ate all the food.”
8. If your plumber wears his pants low say, “I’ll bet you’ve never been the butt of a joke.”
9. Make muddling along a square dance. “Muddle to the right, muddle to the left, muddle to the front, muddle to the back. Swing your partner, do-si-do. Muddle, muddle!”
10. Walk out in the street and announce in a loud voice, ”I am in control!”

All great ideas!

To read her original column, click here.