Now that I’m older, here’s what I’ve discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
3. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
5. If all is not lost, then where is it?
6. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.
7. Some days, you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.
8. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
10. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
11. It is hard to make a comeback; when you haven’t been anywhere.
12. The world only beats a path to your door; when you’re in the bathroom.
13. If God wanted me to touch my toes; he’d have put them on my knees.
14. When I’m finally holding all the right cards; everyone wants to play chess.
15. It is not hard to meet expenses. They’re everywhere.
16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
17. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m “here after”.
18. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
19. It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.
20. Have I published this before or did I get this from you?